Feeling Our Feelings

Technicolor-Street-Art-Sailor-KissingFeeling our feelings is vital to living a life that is present and full of power. When we think about them instead of feel them, we may eventually come to a solution but the underlying energy that is stored in our body’s nervous system around this event will likely remain. Consciously this past event may be resolved, but subconsciously it lingers and can be triggered/reactivated by random inane events in the present. These forgotten energies ultimately block us from feeling whole, completed and satisfied. Eventually, we just accept our reduced level of functioning as “fate” or perhaps we say things to ourselves like “I guess I was born this way”, or “This is who I am (shrug).”

I’ve been fascinated by the mind-body-soul connection for a long time, and have spent a substantial amount of effort learning about the physical and emotional ways that we heal, as well as spent countless hours healing my own past traumas (which in fact is an on-going process). Reading this recent Psychology Today article titled “To Heal from Trauma, You Have to Feel Your Feelings“, I was reminded how prevalent it is for us to want to detach from feelings in moments of conflict (or even in moments of ecstasy), thus solidifying their triggers in our present.

In my artwork, I explore the boundaries where mind-body-soul meet and the mental and emotional healing that occurs there to be able to live a full and vibrant life.

Transformatique

Transformatique-Logo

What a ride! Last night was the premiere of the show that I have been producing for the past two months with Director, Greg Serebuoh. He so elegantly captured the emotion involved in watching something you’ve literally breathed life into be born in his Facebook post this morning. Now, it’s my turn to ruminate on/after/about last night’s premiere of Transformatique:

Overflowing with love for the people I’ve touched yet more importantly for the people who’ve touched me, the moments (those never ending moments) of struggle that have made MY life worthwhile, the joy of creation and the joy of destruction (for aren’t they both just two sides of the same coin?). We give and we get, we teach and we learn, we ebb and we flow, we fail and we succeed. And yes, I love a comma-splice…I’ve never cared much for arbitrary rules.

A failure teetering on the brink of success, and a success laying precipitously close to the edge, it’s all made up anyways so who cares which way it goes. People are too busy being concerned with how they appear to others to actually be concerned with which way my life happens to be trending.

Last night I was reminded of the power of standing in and speaking your truth, all of it. Last night I was reminded that no one wins, if everyone doesn’t win. Last night I was reminded that it takes more balls to reveal yourself than it does to simply sit in the stands and watch others play with theirs. Life is a game, and I wasn’t born to be a spectator. I suspect that you weren’t either.

What’s that saying, opinions are like assholes, everyone’s got one? Maybe that’s why there are more observers, more commentators, more people in the stands than creators in this world. Not because life is unfair, or life is unjust or because it is much easier to consume other’s ideas than to create your own, but because maybe (just maybe) there is too much fear going on inside our heads. Fear of the unknown, fear of the judgement of others, fear of that nameless dread that makes us do perfunctory things, in perfunctory ways, all the while forgetting why in the first place we ever started doing them…and yes, I love a sentence fragment too.

Grammatical sentence structure aside (comma-splices and fragments included), I love those misfit toys, those happy boys (and gals), those out-of-the-box thinkers, those moment makers who reveal something about life, which most people never dare reveal. The performance last night accomplished just that. Bravo!

I’m grateful to all our performers, collaborators, crew and audience last night at Dixon Place, a little comma-splice here and a little fragment there…you all make life worthwhile. #fuckingblessed #love

A Wheelchair on the Streets of New York

Tribute-In-Lights-911-World-Trade-CenterWent down to lower Manhattan tonight to photograph a “Tribute in Light” commemorating the attack on the World Trade Center on 9/11, and ended up getting asked by a man in a wheelchair with no legs to push him up the street. At first I hesitated and then I realized this was the same man that I had had a verbal altercation with roughly 4 years ago on a city bus.

I decided to give him a push and as I did I talked with him about nothing important, but I began to realize how insanely difficult his day to day life must be. It was a struggle for me to push him in his wheelchair. How on earth does he propel himself in this thing around New York?

We stopped at a deli and he pulled out $5 then asked me to buy him a beer, so I did. He had me put the change in his pocket then I wheeled him to the nearest bus stop and we parted ways. As I walked away I almost immediately began to cry, as I thanked God for giving me a chance to give back to this man whom I had wronged so many years ago. People often think New York is a soulless place, but tonight I had a quintessentially NY moment that reminded me that it is anything but.

Posted in Artist's Journal | Comments Off on A Wheelchair on the Streets of New York