Choleric Melancholic

Acrylic Abstract Painting White

Acrylic & Pencil on Canvas, 40″x30″x1.5″ (Sold to Private Collector)

The following is an excerpt from “Transformatique” a made for stage interdisciplinary performance piece that I collaborated on with Greg Serebuoh.

I sat down in the guest chair at her desk and patiently waited for her to greet me. Her booming voice spoke intentionally into the receiver of her outdated landline telephone, “Hun, you have to…share yourself with him, just be great with him, and it will alllll wooork out! {she happily and emphatically drew} You know who to be. {a pause as she listened to the person on the phone} Uh huh, sure…GOOD, GOOD…yes…now make the call! Okay, I love you!”

My heart sped up in synchrony with her deliberate yet gentle placement of the phone back in its cradle. And as she turned…

[Ohhell Idon’teven knowwheretobegin, what am I here for. Does thisshit ever stop, do I get a reprieve from these thoughts?]

She spun around in her chair and turned on that smile, that tractor beam of an expression – peering over her slight glasses – and in the vacuum of her presence my problems, my concerns and my fear began to vanish. Regardless, she had sucked them all up, whisked them away, absorbed them, as if there was no way possible for them to escape the grandiosity of whom she knew I was, or at least of whom she knew I was capable of being.

I began vomiting words of despair, of frustration, of resignation, “I don’t understand why this monologue in my head is so nasty all the time. It just says the most horrible things about myself and about others. I hate this person, I can’t stand that person, I’m never happy with my accomplishments and am angry with myself, I’m ugly, and this person just pushed me on the subway on my way here and now it’s attacking them.” She just smiled kindly and emphatically nodded as I innocently asked her, “When is it going to stop?”

Her deep chuckle of recognition almost knocked me over, as she looked lovingly, warmly and then brassily said to me, “HON, oh that’s never gonna stop! You’re adorable, you know the only difference between you and me is that I’ve been doing this for 20 years.”

I gulped and looked at her in mild horror as I thought – Oh god! I was calm yet terrified at the prospect of dealing with these nasty thoughts for the rest of my life.

She continued with her characteristic nod punctuated by profoundly wise statements of encouragement and love, “You just need to go make a difference with someone ELSE. Everything is gonna work out.”

Her immense personality matched only by the size of her love for humanity, she could part the Red Sea if she desired. However, her gift was imminently more impressive, as I sat at her desk and experienced it firsthand, a woman who could enkindle being in another, which occurred solely by the power of the way she listened to others.

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